Friday, August 21, 2009

27.2.2008
This day last year.compared to another fren who got wished by friends for 3 days.yea..mine was nothing at all...well..truth to be told.i was sad and jealous.i'm not such a good friend like he is...but all i wished for that day was...just tolerate with whatever i do..just dun say things to make me angry sad or whatsoever.When school end,in the library,i dun really remember what joke i was cracking and then i got scolded by serena.all emotions start so spurt out.all of u can wish him for 3 fucking days straight and neither 1 of u can tolerate with me for just the few hours in school...thanks alot.i cried that night.that was the day friends start to mean less and less to me,i swore not to cry for friends anymore.not to cry for whatever things they did to me.

27.2.2009
i skipped school. i was afraid i would get upset by people.

21.8.2009
another memorable fucking day.was having fun in sunway pyramid untill everyone meet up again after spliting off since some din't want to skate.you guys was looking at those mini shops, i wasn't interested.and got fucking bored till i went beside the escalator to wait.After awhile,you guys just continue walking.nobody even bother to inform me that you guys are leaving,not even you.insignificant i am.thanks alot.i got fucking pissed and walk off.After awhile,WOAH!? someone actually notice i was gone and call me.you said u told me that you guys are walking to the bus stop from the other entrance,i din't hear you,i dun blame u either..since your phone is malfunctioning.but i was still BLOODY FUCK PISSED.when i reached the bus stop ,some of you still have the nerves to come say sorry to me.without even knowing what u did.amazing isn't it?you can say sorry without doing what mistake you did.maybe someday i'll just go burn your house down and then i'll say sorry for what i did.hey,at least i know i burn your house down.emotions started to spurt out once again.worst of all,mr.PCK actually fucking pissed me of yesterday.frankly speaking.i dun find ure joke amusing.i know i'm short compare to you or any other guy.i know i yong sui.LMAO.but do actually know that theres actually someone who said your damn yong sui in our class ar?funny.thinking back how i try to defend you saying your not yong sui actually.those teasing you guys crack,which was in a way an insult to me for the past weeks.i tried to throw it aside,tried to forget it like i always do.but all of them just came back visiting me.and then thinking back 2 years ago,when i stead with WanTing,i told her she was 3rd in whose important to me,1st comes family,then come friends.HAHA,WHAT Ａ FREAKING RIDICULOUS JOKE.

i dun like the teasing,i dun like the jokes.yess..those jokes u guys crack.i seriously dun find it amusing at all.not even the least bit.Jokes they may be to you guys,it hurt me quite alot.For everything i do.i always seems to be the one whose wrong,for whatever thing i thought i accomplished,you guys just crush down the confidence i builded up.you know,my heart isn't as big as you guys,i can't really take everything as a joke.i'm fragile,i get hurt easily.

Last month..i asked a friend a question.'how to love myself,how to make myself happy'
the answer she told me was 'help others,makes others happy,then you'll be happy'
HAHA...sorry florence,i dun think that sentence will apply to me.
i'm not of much help,at the very least,i thought i can try not to hurt others with words,and then at least they won't tease me back .what a one way road i'm riding at.this wasn't true at all.

Friends,i thought they are people who support you when ure down,depressed.they will make u happy,they hear out your problems.this is,another fact which is a lie to me.

after what i wrote,
lets try to think from another point of view.the opposite one.
I'm a over sensitive person,it was my fault that i cant take jokes.
you guys are joking sincerely from your heart,it was completely my fault for not being able to laugh along with you guys.I said i try not to hurt ppl with words.but i actually did,so all you guys did was..payback,it was my fault too.today,you guys walk away without informing me.yes,its another fault of mine.i was the one who walked to the side without telling anyone of you.i dun hav the right to be angry.and since i did notice u guys walking away after you guys are not really that far away yet,i should just catch up with you guys.Everything was totally my fault.I failed,i wasn't good enough.I'm short,thats the truth,i should not get angry over those kind of jokes.
so i should actually laugh along,dun take those words,actions that actually hurt me seriously.you guys are just joking

so..
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA
i'm laughing

mentally and emotionally broke down,
i cried again today.
Friends?
they don't mean anything to me anymore.

posted at 9:44 PM